-Photos are at the bottom-
Before I woke up today, I had never had so many men pray that I would find a husband in my life, let alone in one single day. Every man’s eyes turned the size of half-dollars when they found out that not only do I not have children, but also I am not married – then they asked if they could pray for me. It was as if I alone was a little green alien from outer space that just landed in their village. I found it odd until reality set in and I remembered where I was.
You have to remember the women of Uganda are sold into marriage between the ages of 10 to 15. Many young women have children by the time they are 14 years old and many of them have husbands who have left them to fend for themselves and their families by the time they reach their early 20’s. Women whose husbands have not left feel a sense of anger and a loss of love from their husbands. Many of the women tell stories of not being allowed to leave their home and not being given consideration let alone a bible or ability to attend church. The stories of oppression that Ugandan women share are almost as disheartening as the thought of the many children that are left to survive in orphanages. These women, much like the children we see each day, depend on the kindness of mzungu’s that travel from America, Australia and Europe – among other countries – just to see some resemblance of courtesy and respect. I have never heard anything as sad as Rachel’s account of the following questions posed to her this week:
- My husband left me for another woman. Do I honor him and try to get him back, or leave him?
- My husband will not let me attend church or singings. He only let me come to see you today because he thought I would receive a gift from you. What do I do?
- My husband does not love me anymore; he only shows me anger from his heart. How can I make him bring his love back to me?
It was hard to hear these types of questions and even harder to answer them. As a woman from Western society that is extremely lucky to have success in my faith, family, relationships and career, I wanted so badly to say leave them! But I have to remember the cultural differences that face us in a society where multiple wives is acceptable and women are considered lower than animals. A woman that is left to fend for herself and her children lives on less than $2 USD per day, which is typical for a Ugandan family. Now how in the world can I tell a woman, regardless of whether or not she lives in a tribal village, to fend for herself and her children on $0.50 or less per day? Where does that put her? How does projecting my thoughts of both husband and wife respecting each other help in a society where orphans are common, AIDS is accepted and malnutrition and water traced with typhoid is just another fact of life? The only thing to do is say love yourself the way God loves you. You are both His children and you both deserve love. Believe that He has a path for you and find that path in His words. Women will find peace through faith no matter what the trial or tribulation. Pray for others as you wish they would pray for you. You will find your way.
This is not to say all marriages are arranged in this way. We have seen several – yet so few – cases of loving and caring relationships. This country is a changing world much like America in the 1800’s – mid 1950’s. There is an extremely long way to go, but individuals devoted to change and educating one another in the true meaning of love through faith are laying a gravel road that will come to be paved in the years ahead.
Now on to our spectacular children…One thing I have to say is these kids love it when I sing Etta James. Along with my ability to dance, apparently the soul travels to my vocals when I sing “I’ve been loving you too long.” I find it funny that these kids (and adults) find it funny that a mzungo can dance or sing. It is so entertaining, and it definitely draws a crowd! The day was engulfed with jump rope, soccer, nail painting, playing drums – and the most special to me, being invited to a girl’s house to meet her parents. Now, the men are scared for us to go anywhere alone, and rightly so. So, in order to safely travel a few alleys over I asked Trey to go with me. We walked through winding alleys until Trey said, “Emily, we do not need to walk any further.” Now, if you know me, you know I am still going…so Trey had no choice but to keep walking. Once we got to the house Trey was in heaven. He made friends with the father quicker than I could say I was right – which can come pretty quick. We found the family to be amazing, and even though I could have stayed for hours and not been able to communicate more than a few broken sentences, we had to leave because our departure time was fast approaching.
On our walk back to the school I got to see a true village market. Trey wouldn’t let me take a picture, but it was AMAZING! The women stood beside bamboo racks held together with twine atop a floor of red dirt. Rows of fish, tomato, pumpkin, baby onion, peppers and everything you would find at a farmers market – only this was grown in each persons backyard and they are all shack-n-shanty neighbors. You and I would purchase these items with no thought as to what we might eat them with…just to have for the week. These people carefully consider each purchase – something as simple as one egg (not the one dozen we are accustomed to). As we walked back we received stares that even made me feel a bit uneasy for a moment. Then I thought, if they kidnap me, they would probably give their last five thousand shillings for my team to take me back on account that they would think I am corrupting their women with the propaganda I spread when I open my mouth.
Back to our leaving the village, a journey that took three hours there and back because we traveled 50 miles down a road cars do not travel down, which turned into my own little Christmas parade. What can I say, I felt like a Santa Claus. To preface, I bought Jolly Ranchers to give to the children, because let’s face it – THEY ARE GOD’S GIFT TO THE CANDY WORLD! Jolly Ranchers are the best! If you cannot tell, I love this candy and think everyone should experience one. I did realize early on that I could not expect the children to form a line and take one piece in an orderly fashion. So I decided the next best thing was to share the candy with the thousands of children we pass on the way to the school that do not get to experience our love and the gift of giving food and “sweeties.” Today was the best. As I said, the road we traveled was much rougher than yesterday – and I thought that was an adventure – so we had to go very slow. As the children saw the mzungu’s, which many never see, they cheered and yelled and smiled. It was so cute. So what do I do? I turn in to Mrs. Claus in the Jackson Christmas parade one month early and toss candy to the children that line the dirt roads that we pass as we leave each school each day. The look on their face shared a feeling of joy that radiated farther than 50 miles we drove.
Today gave me the best 50-mile drive I have ever experienced. It made me remember to appreciate the simple things in life and not turn into a selfish materialistic person, which is a direction I have I felt myself drifting toward lately. I feel the company I keep has turned me into a person I do not appreciate, and I think one reason I was sent here was to realize that change in myself. Not too long ago I was a better person. I do not deserve anything better – I do not deserve what I have – there are so many people that need so many things that are so basic in life, and at times I feel deprived. A lesson I have forgotten and need to remember (instead of just preaching to people) is to walk the walk instead of talking the talk.
We should all remember to walk the walk. And walk it in a way that will make you proud. Money does not buy happiness and it does not even help. We take for granted that we have indoor plumbing when people around the world go days without eating. This has changed me forever, and I cannot say I will not be back for an extended period of time. I was meant for greater things than climbing the social and corporate ladder.
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